Today's post is about Scotch. So if that doesn't interest you feel free to check back next week when I'm sure I'll have something much more exciting to talk about.
Remember that party I threw for my parents? The one where I had to convince my dad I was pregnant in order to get him to come? Yea. Well, at that party a dear friend of theirs gave them a gift. What you need to know is that this friend gets really into the whole gift giving thing. He always goes balls to the walls with some outrageous gift that you never would have thought of for yourself, but you totally love.
Apparently one time my mother mentioned to him that she liked to steal a bit of my father's Scotch from time to time. So he bought them some Scotch. No wait, not just some Scotch. A bucket filled with Scotch. A bucket filled so many bottles of Scotch that you needed a hand cart to carry it around. I wish I was joking. I also wish I had a picture of this bucket, but I don't. So you're just going to have to take my word for it.
Okay. So. Now we've got all of this Scotch that I doubt my parents could even put a dent in if they had a glass every night for the next 30 years. So my dad (the planner) got to scheming. And he schemed up this awesome idea of having a Scotch tasting (aka just an excuse to throw a big ass party and get drunk with his friends).
The second he mentioned it to me I was on board. But if we were going to do this, I wanted to do it right. I started doing some research and learned some really interesting things about Scotch. Do you wanna hear about it? Of course you do!
Scotch is whisky that is made in Scotland. Duh. I know. But a lot of people don't know this. If you are drinking something that you think is Scotch, but it wasn't made in Scotland, theeeeeen it's not Scotch. It's whisky. Could be Irish whisky or Bourbon whisky or even Rye whisky, but it's not Scotch.
This is Scotch. Directly from Scotland. Thanks Scotland!
Okay, glad we got that out of the way. Now to make it even more exciting there are six different regions where Scotch is distilled (or five; it's up for debate as the Scotch Whisky Association [yes, this is a real thing] considers the Island region and Highland region one big ass region). Riveting stuff, I know. OH! And there is single malt Scotch which is brewed at only one distillery and blended Scotch which is (you guessed it!) a blend of Scotch from two or more distilleries.
Because my father is just as
But we are professionals here and there was absolutely no way we could host this party with an incomplete collection. Forget the fact that not one single person invited to this party gave two shits about any of this. Forget the fact that they were actually just looking for a really good reason to get really drunk. And forget the fact that we already had like 12 bottles at home. That is all irrelevant.
What is relevant is that my father enlisted his children to complete this mission and so a few days before the party we were all sent on a wild goose chase for one last bottle of Scotch. I eventually managed to snag a bottle at a random liquor store near Grand Central, but god damn it wasn't easy. The best part is, it was actually one of the most disgusting Scotches we tasted that day. Thanks a lot Campbeltown.
The bane of my existence.
Oh what's that food for you ask? Well, we knew just throwing out some bottles of Scotch on the table wouldn't make over well so I also researched foods that can be paired well with Scotch. Turns out this isn't an easy task either because apparently you're not suppose to serve Scotch with food. Scotch is an after-dinner drink that goes best with cigars.
But because I don't care about fancy schmancy drinking etiquette I kept hunting and found a few articles that sighed at me and said, "Well if you insist on serving food with your Scotch like some kind of freakin' barbarian, here are a few ideas." Done and done.
On the day of the party we set up a few stations around the house (you already caught a glimpse of one in the photo above). Station one was the most important one, where you could pick up your glass and read about the different regions/Scotches being offered.
The Blue Label was just for show. It was actually the gift I had given to my father on my wedding day and believe me - It has been empty for quite a while. ;-) We left some stickers out so people could label their glasses and used one of our family tartans as the table runner. Oh wait, sorry... I didn't mention that my family is Scottish? Yea, about that...
Sorry, I had to do some blurring of last names to protect privacy and all that, just imagine some very Scottish last names in all of those blank spots.
Each "station" represented a different region of Scotland. Because I apparently have too much free time on my hands (or I just enjoy reading/writing about Scotch) I printed up descriptions of each Scotch.
It started out as a very classy affair, with guests milling about discussing the qualities of the various Scotches provided, but as per our usual it quickly turned into an evening of debauchery. We spilled out into the yard where there were fireworks and a bonfire. And finally when things like this started happening...
We knew it was probably time to call it a night.
All in all it was a success. We rid ourselves of a few bottles of booze, I learned a lot about Scotch and the next morning when we were cleaning up I noticed a few bottles of vodka in my parents' liquor cabinet that seem to be collecting dust. I'm thinking a martini tasting next year...?
